Happy Wednesday, everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. In last week’s post, I explored anxiety around gift-giving and shared some of my strategies for overcoming it. (If you’re still looking for a gift, be sure to check out that post here!) This week, I wanted to explore another emotion that comes up around relationship holidays: grief.
As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, I lost my mom in 2020. Her passing is the most painful event that has ever occurred in my life — any other loss pales in comparison. I recently watched an Andrew Garfield interview where he discussed the death of his mother, and he described the loss as “precise”. He said that, in the depths of his grief, it felt as if he were the only person who had ever lost a mother. I related to that particular sentiment deeply, and even tried to explore it in a blog post once, calling losing my mom a “singular experience”.
So last Mother’s Day was hard for me. I mean, I don’t think I even got dressed that day. I guess the most prominent emotion was regret. I kept thinking of every Mother’s Day I could have spoiled my mom even more, kept wondering if she truly knew how much I loved her.
I don’t think the feeling of regret is something that will ever really go away. I’ll always wish that I spoiled my mom more . . . that I wrote her long letters, told her all the reasons she was the best mom in the world. But I try to let regret teach me. I try to transform regret into gratitude — gratitude for everyone I have in my life today (because who knows what could happen tomorrow).
So this Mother’s Day, I’m honoring my mother’s legacy while also celebrating other mothers in my life. I’m keeping my mom part of the day, even if she isn’t physically here, by speaking of her often, wondering out loud what her opinion would be on certain life events. Most of all, I’m allowing my choices to be guided by her memory.
Are relationship holidays hard for you? How do you honor loved ones who have passed? Let me know in the comments below!
